Breaking the Mold: How to Change Your Identity in a Single Day

When asked how he managed to stay so active and enthusiastic, despite his age, an 80-year-old man said, "Each day I wake up, and I don't let the old man in." This moving and powerful quote filtered through to Clint Eastwood (via Toby Keith, a songwriter), and both the quote and the song ended up in Eastwood's film, The Mule.

I've been mulling this over ever since I heard it. Lives can change trajectory in a day, but it is easier to think of examples of that happening to us (or a character in a story) rather than us making it happen. The first day of a new, tiny habit or behaviour that nevertheless changes one's life is not the stuff of memorable stories – but it is important in Day Crafting.

Small Habits, Big Outcomes: The Power of Day Crafting

There are small, positive shifts in direction that, over time, lead to significantly new destinations. These are the moments that get noticed. The day someone buys their first pair of running shoes, or the day someone writes one note in a notebook that later becomes a book or a new business. These are days of addition; of beginning.

But letting the old man in – or not? That's something else but no less within our control. Perhaps it is the negative counterpart of the positive start. It's a powerful idea because it depicts not just behaviour change but an identity shift.

Change your identity: transforming a habit

At some point, after I bought my first pair of running shoes, the habit of running a few times a week shifted from a behaviour (something we have to consciously find discipline and intention to maintain) to an identity, which takes far less effort. I do this (a range of behaviours) because I am this (identity).

One day, we saw my mother let the old woman in, and it was heartbreaking. I think it was so hard (but not impossible) to keep her out, and if she let her in (she reasoned in so many words), it would only be for as long as it took the NHS to fix her. But that never happened and couldn't have without my mother fighting back. It was a fairly ordinary late winter day during lockdown. She had been finding her only exercise, a daily walk, less appealing. One day we checked on her exercising (she didn't like to be nagged), and the habit had slipped but at an identity level. Her mobility and frailty nosedived, and within a year and a half, she had died.

Our identities, which we tell ourselves we are and reinforce through our behaviours, are very powerful. And yet, we can change them in a day.

The Practice

Imagine you're looking back on today from five years in the future. How could you complete this, 'That was the day I became a .....?'. What is the one small action you can take to set you on that course?